Waiting for a
Missionary

The number one reason girls stop waiting seems to be this: another guy. He's probably an RM who has come to sweep you off your feet. He's probably a perfect addition to your currently lonely life...right?

Let me pose a question...did you think for a minute that you would never be attracted to another guy again now that your missionary left? If you really believed you could sustain total monogamy, you set yourself up for failure. Remember, you are still a girl and you are still going to be attracted to other guys. Also, in the situation you are in, you are unlikely to feel totally satisfied with your current relationship with your elder all the time. From experience, there are hard times and there are times you don't feel loved.

So, are you willing to forget your missionary to see what could happen with this guy? If the answer is a definite yes, I want you to write your dear john right now. Then look at it, study it, and make sure it's perfect. Okay, now put it in your drawer. You need to wait 2 months to send it. You might think I'm crazy, but let me clarify.. 2 months is nothing. In 2 months you will know (if you have dated the new guy) if your relationship with your new guy will go anywhere. But here's the rule: for the whole 2 months you are required to write as consistently as ever and no, do NOT mention this new guy. If after 2 months you are still as sure as the day you wrote the letter, send it, and wait for a response.

There are times when a dear john is not necessary. Let me explain something...as much as some girls may hate to admit it, sometimes when you send 'your' missionary out, he is just your friend. The guidelines in this section are centered towards girls who are truly waiting on their missionary BOYFRIEND. With emphasis on the boyfriend part. Maybe even fiance. Either way, even if you sent your best friend out, if there were no set-in-stone feelings, maybe you should not have waited to begin with. 2 years is a lot of time to wait for someone who possibly doesn't feel the way you do.

1. How serious were we before we left?

Typically, the studies seem to show that girls who are more likely to wait were the ones who dated longer. But how much longer? Not as much as you think. If you have dated your missionary since you were first attracted to boys and vice versa, things might not be in your favor. For you it will be important to date while he's gone because you have known no different and while he's gone there is a chance he's started to realize that he didn't date as much as he should have. On the other hand, if you only dated a few months it is also still possible but with such little time together, you will really have to work hard to keep your relationship together. The ideal time to have dated would be 1-3 years, give or take. If you don't fall in that category, it doesn't matter because there is no right or wrong, but consider the pros and cons that he might also be considering. If you were only friends, try to look back and decipher if he cared for you in 'that' way. A good way to know is to ask his close friends. Ask for an honest opinion. If your missionary never even hinted he liked you, I am asking you to move on!! Don't expect for him to fall in love with you over the mission. Write him as a friend but don't go overboard. If he doesn't like you, when he's about to come home, he may panic and tell you the truth about how he feels. This will hurt...a lot. (It happened to someone I know. Very sad.) Now, I'm not asking you to freak yourself out, but always weigh the options.

2. How often does he write and what do his letters consist of?

I'm not suggesting that if he misses a few weeks then his feelings have changed. But if he pretty much writes every 4 months or so, move on. He has more time than that and has not put you as any type of priority. If the letters are very impersonal, watch out. They should AT LEAST have something sweet or sentimental in them. Even if it's just something small. It doesn't have to be mushy, but you should never wonder if he simply wrote the same thing to everyone else who's been trying to write him. Consistency and care show commitment. If these are missing it's really time to ask yourself what you are waiting for.

3. Does he talk about the future? Or about you together?

Typically a missionary who loves you will at least hint at something. For instance, "Wow, I can't wait to start a family and get married...hint hint!!" That should calm your fears right down. Look for signs in the last 6 months because this will let you know where things are possibly headed.