Some girls create their waiting cycle to show others what they went through and when things were the toughest or the easiest. Here's mine!!!
Before he left: Mixed Emotions
We knew about 5 months in advance when he was leaving and where he was going. Because we were dating long-distance at that point, things were a little easier to swallow. I already was used to not being able to be with him or have him near me all the time. But I did get to talk to him every night. Part of me was just ready for him to leave, because I wanted time to go quickly. Another part of me was very sad and didn't want to lose my best friend. I remember having some very mixed emotions about everything. In addition to all this, I had started to casually see someone where I was living, not because I really liked him, but to pass some time away.
Then he left: Complete and total Misery
I hadn't really realized how much I loved him until the day I said goodbye for 2 years. I was a mess, but not (luckily) until those very last moments. When I drove home, I was crying so hard that I couldn't see the road. I came home and listened to old voicemails for hours, so distraught and so lonely already. It felt very tough to face 2 years in the face...it was quite intimidating. I wasn't sure I could be alone that long...most of my life I have dated someone regularly with only months in between boyfriends, but I've never hardly been 'single' to much of a degree. So I didn't know if I could resist dating others or if I could really make it. I doubted myself a lot, even though I knew my love was strong.
One month out: Don't think about it
I finally had faced that I had 2 years to go. I never promised him I would wait but I was starting to feel very much like someone who was waiting. Even though I was still dating my friend at school, I was on a spiritual and emotional high. My letters were very positive, uplifting, and chock full of spirituality. Imagine my surprise when he said that although he loved that I could be spiritual in letters, he wanted me to open up to him and just talk like he was still a normal person...lol. I realized he was right, and I decided to just be myself in letters. I would joke around, make funny pictures, and continue to be the goofy weirdo he apparently loved. All the while, I tried to put the fact that I had so long to go out of my mind.
Two to four months: The very thought of you...
At the point in time, I was living in Boise where my parents live, except I lived in a duplex with a friend. I took pictures of my run down apartment and pictures of my cute little church choir (I was director). I felt independent and wise. Ha. I was working a desk job full time. And then Jean-Pierre came along...he was the ward mission leader of Dustin's ward and on my birthday, he called me and wished a happy birthday from Dustin....imagine the shock and imagining me almost fainting because that's what happened....He also gave me his e-mail address and I started to write him, and eventually IM him to ask how Dustin was doing. In response he sent me tons of candid photos and even a video. Yes, I about died. My boss thought I was a little weird sitting there crying at my computer, watching this little tape of Dustin playing the Tree of Life in a little skit he performed. This was a very tough time because he was always on my mind, and when you live in a small duplex and work a desk job with little to no social activity you really feel it. I was just busy trying to make a life for myself and missing him made things pretty tough.
Five to 8 months: I think I can, I think I can
Like the little engine that could, I knew I had to get off my caboose. Our letters were growing more personal and more longing. And I joined Institute choir as a means to help me stay busy. And I was. Very busy. This was a huge blessing for me after a summer of all-work-no-play. In Institute choir, I met some nice guys but no one at this point could have lured me. And I did start talking to a guy from my college again and at this point he wanted to be serious with me, but I wasn't willing to. I had a lot of motivation, for whatever reason, at this point in time. I felt happy, ready, and excited. And for me, Christmas was a month away by the 8 month point.
Nine to Twelve months: Nothing's Gonna Change my Love for You!
This was a high point for me. Our letters were romantic, inspirational, and happy. We got to talk at Christmas which was wonderful. Fuel was added to the fire. And the fire was burning very brightly. I felt very close to him, and very happy.
One year to a Year and a Half: The Broken Road
Just when you think things couldn't change...they do...drastically. I got side tracked. Maybe it was because I realized at one year that I was only half way done. I had to the year thing again...why?!?!? I started a new job and met someone new. I liked him.. a lot. We dated a bit. And I almost wrote my dear john...but then I knew...I would regret it for the rest of my life if I did that. I was crying so hard while writing my draft of the dear john and I had the strongest impression to throw it in the trash. I did. To this day, I know I would have regretted that more than anything had I sent it. And not far after, things didn't work out so well with the guy I liked. And I realized my love for Dustin was stronger than even I anticipated.
6 months left to 3 months left: Time is On Our Side
The time passed so quickly that I can barely remember what happened...what did happen?
3 months left to when he came home: Back to Square One
MIXED EMOTIONS!! I was mostly happy but also scared and worried!! :) This time went by soo fast. When you get to this point, you are truly on the home stretch. Get prepared at this point because it's all downhill from here!
